Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize