You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
