I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
