if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize