you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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