the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
