12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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