okay pat passed out under dana's car
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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