THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
