hotel room ftw
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
