You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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