i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
