I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
