i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
