If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
