you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
