I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Randomize
