In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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