please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
