I have demons in me.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
