I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
