My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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