does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
