If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I still have a little drunk in my system
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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