my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
