I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize