she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
