I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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