so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
