I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
