My first STD was from a foam party
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm passing your future prison.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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