I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
