i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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