Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize