I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
