Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
