He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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