i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
