check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I think I am morally bankrupt
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
