I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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