I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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