her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
