With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize