Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
