I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
