If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
