Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
