i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
