she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize