She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
