The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
