just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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