No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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