So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
