Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
