How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize