Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
