ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
