It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
