I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
