I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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