What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
