I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Randomize
