Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
