the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
