I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
So much rum. So many feels.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
