oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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