Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Ketchup is God's man juice
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
