I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
