The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
