Just cropdusted the office
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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