What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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