Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize