I can tuck mytits in my pants
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
