okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
