I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize