I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
