so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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