why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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