How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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