I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
i believe in u and ur pee
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize