its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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