Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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