..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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