people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
