dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
