before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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