Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
