I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I want a musical about memes.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
