when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Randomize
