Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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