does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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