oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
