So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Randomize
