Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
